Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
