I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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