My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The air was thick with penises
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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