Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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