i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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