New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
