I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
