pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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