Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
