my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
