Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize