I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
