I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
