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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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