he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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