oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
