After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think I just sharted jello shots
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