Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
