2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
