Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
