god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently you make a good broom.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
