my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize