God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
