I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
