lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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