So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
