Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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