She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
