Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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