she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
