I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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