its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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