WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
