Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
