so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
