How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
