sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize