just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
