dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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