i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
