You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
