Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
