who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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