Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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