So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize