I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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