Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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