Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize