best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
