dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
