I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
