I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
