I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize