My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So much rum. So many feels.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
