Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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