I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
