Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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