i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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