Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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