So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
