Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
