Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
