im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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