i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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