i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't notice because vodka
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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