Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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