Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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