i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
