My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
