I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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