I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
