her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
North Korea, Best Korea!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize