Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
