All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
