Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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