if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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