On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
