maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
