I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
