Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
