i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
