Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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